Okay, so I haven’t really written much about my new job at Chrysalis. I had a weeks worth of training from Jan. 6th-10th and then started work on the 12th. I work in what is called the Day Program and drive transport. When I was hired for the job I knew I would be serving men with disabilities, I, like everyone else was under the impression that I would be serving maybe elderly men, or men whose families could no longer care for them. We were all VERY wrong. I got to work the first day to find out that Chrysalis was the last stop for many of our clients. Most of the behaviors include sexual assault, elopement, physical and verbal aggression, and kleptomania, but was certainly not limited to these. Their disabilities are vary diverse as well, suffering from down-syndrome, autism, cerebral palsy, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and every man in the program has been diagnosed with mental retardation.
Our clients are very much like children. They throw tantrums over trivial and minute problems just like a child, but the repercussions are more damaging. They have bad days like the average person, except their moods are more extreme. When I first walked into my job on Monday morning for the first time, I didn’t know what to think. The first thing I saw and recognized were that all of these men were children of God. Second, I believe they were all chosen or volunteered, and brought themselves forward to live their time on Earth this way because they knew someone had to take the job. They also knew, with God’s help, could endure the challenge placed before them or God knew they could endure the struggle. I immediately felt compassion. Within a few days though, I would struggle with the task at hand.
Day one-Assigned to my first two men, one with MR and one with MR as a result from brain damage from a wreck. I was threatened to be sexually assaulted.
Day two- Good
Day three- One of my clients was told he couldn’t have a soda and eloped. He wouldn’t respond to my calls and anytime I got within 5 feet of him, he took a swing at me. I also struggled with the support of my staff, director, and manager.
Day four-Good
Day five- Good
The first week apart from my clients, I struggled with family. After the first days incidents, David immediately wanted me to quit. Everyone was upset including my husband, father, step mother, previous exchange student, and friends in our Family Home Evening group. After the first day, I was so mentally worked up from what everyone was saying and telling me that I couldn’t do the job, that I didn’t know if I could go back, but I felt I should, so I did. The second day David told me he didn’t and wouldn’t support my job at all, it was too dangerous and I should quit. I was in the bath, bawling my eyes out in a new pair of heels, mentally preparing my Young Women’s lesson when I knew I had to stay. I was listening to an EFY track from 2004, when the song “His Love” started to play. “Jesus loved the man who could not see or understand”, my lesson was on Christ’s example, and there it was in the lyrics. He STILL loved them. It wasn’t conditional according to their behavior. It was more confirmation I needed to stay. The comfort in the job hadn’t come yet, but the confirmation to stick with it had. That got me through Day three’s incident and helped me endure everything that my family was saying to bring me down and tell me I couldn‘t do it. After that, the 3 day weekend came quick and it was well enjoyed with my husband. When Tuesday came I didn’t know what to expect. I was reassigned to two new guys, one autistic and the other bipolar and of course both suffered from MR. I also was asked to take the 5:45am-1:30pm morning transport shift in exchange for my 8am-3:30pm shift. I accepted. Anything during the day is Chrysalis’ time as long as I get my nights. I would start training the next day and leave my guys to another staff, not that I was disappointed as one of my new clients immediately made me uneasy.
The week was short and hectic, but I survived. I was so frustrated with my job though and how it was affecting me. I started becoming jumpy at home when David was being playful with me, and my mind was on edge at the office. I’m not a particularly angry person, so to walk into an unpredictable room every day definitely left me with fear. By the end of the week though, I felt like half of my battle had been won. I at least had made friends with the staff and knew I had their support. If anything with my clients became unsafe, they would at least have my back. This started to put my mind at ease, that I was not alone.
Weekend #2 was nice and relaxing, but it seemed the second my mind knew Monday was nigh it started to play tricks on me and tell me I couldn’t do the job, it was unsafe, I shouldn’t be there, the pay was awful for what I had to deal with and the hours were too early. I walked into work Monday morning just as scared as I was the first week. I literally felt like I needed to quit. However, my rational mind told me ‘no’. Chrysalis spent a full 5 days training me in NEO, Soar 1 & 2, medication, first aid, CPR and Human Rights, and proceeded to train me for a new shift that would be an asset to them later on. No, I could not give up that easily. I had to see what my superiors could do for me or suggest. So, I brought my concerns and fears to the attention of my director, Meagan. As I heard myself telling her how I felt more comfortable and in control on the confined space of the van than in the room full of staff, I soon was able to pinpoint what my problems and concerns were a little more. One, was that I am an incredibly organized and structured person, and that is how the van was, where in the office, the room was full of chaos and no set routine. Two, I didn’t fully understand the guys. Just by talking with Meagan even though not much was resolved, I found that just making her aware of how I was feeling relaxed me. The next day on Tuesday, she set me up with an appointment with one of the Behavior Specialists. I knew whom she was as she was in my singles ward, Zandra. Relaxation was present even more than the day before. I started to understand a little more and was glad that I had more support and someone who seemed to understand and know how I was feeling. I left feeling great and more of my burden lifted.
And here I am tonight, after Day 12 feeling more confident and relaxed at my job. There are definitely still going to be tense and stressful days I’m sure, however, I feel I have won half the battle, by having the support of my staff, exercising the separation of my feelings from home and work, and TALKING to someone about my concerns because they CAN help. Even though my clients rotate to someone new in 2 days and it has taken me a week and a half to understand them and it will benefit me in the future. One of these days it will just click, and I will get their respect.
